Into the wilderness
by Regruba
Summary: Inspired by Season 3 Episode 2. This is my take on the events after the car crash. Maura is thrown out of her comfort zone and resort to guessing. Her body, mind and heart is pushed to the limit and the cracks in her always composed self starts to show. English is not my first language and I apologize for any errors. I would appreciate feedback. (no idea how to rate a story)
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

I am floating in and out of consciousness stuck between worlds. I feel my body sinking into the abyss getting heavier by the second. Where am I? I can't recall how or when this feeling crept over me. Was there an accident, is this Limbo? I need to get my head out of this fog its smothering my thoughts.

I have to get back into my body, but how? What anchors me to this world? My senses!

I tense my muscles and a sudden pain runs up my spine, my chest is heavy as I suck in air. I flatten my palms against a cold wet service; I'm soaked through to the bone. Why can't I summon up enough energy for my sensory system to deduce my surroundings?

I can see stars or is my mind playing tricks on me. Momentary brain static clouds my vision as I try to stand up this must be brought on by orthostatic hypotension and I drop to one knee. I scan my body searching for the cause of the lightheadedness. A hot thick liquid runs through my fingers I lift up my hands barely making out deep cuts over my palms, wrists and forearms. Can this be defense wounds?

Where am I? What happened? The memory loss must be brought on by a concussion.

Come on Maura think!

Do I dare scream for help when these cuts and bruises might be from shielding my organs and face from an attack

Drops are falling soft and steady on my bare shoulders. I did see stars when I lay on my back. The stars were now replaced by dark clouds snuffing out the the soft glow of the moon. I guess I fell through that opening in the ceiling. Jane would have been so pleased with that statement. Jane! Where is Jane?

I need to orientate myself to my immediate environment.

I start washing of dried blood in the light but steady rain. I follow the thin red lines running down my legs. A trivial discontented thought attacks my consciousness as I sigh at the state of my designer suit and bare feet. My skirt is caked with mud and blood lots of blood. This cannot be my blood, my hands move to my thighs examining each muscle, my legs are sore and bruised but there seems to be no deep lacerations. I feel the water pool around my feet and ever so slightly running through my toes. The only logical thing to do is to follow the water; it might lead to an opening out of this cavern. I need to get to Jane. What if this is her blood?

I sudden load explosion lights up the cavern and my ears ring as the the thunder echo's against the walls but it jolts a memory loose; _I am running through a forest, shrubs pulling at my clothes and Jane shouting at me "Run Maura!" _ My stomach turns and I fold over as my innards contract and I start vomiting.


	2. Chapter 2

I've been walking for approximately an hour, again with the guessing, and I'm still searching and poking at my mind to release more information but to no avail. My breathing is heavy and with each step my muscles cramp up as the cold clutch to my body, but I'm finally out of that horrid dark cave.

The moon is high in the sky and I can only speculate that it must be around midnight. I scramble up the side of the hill making my way back to the hole I fell in. I hope that I can make out my trail and follow it back to where I started running. Maybe I should just rest for a while it's still to dark and my body is exhausted. I slump down the side of a big tree and immediately the darkness swallows me.

I'm woken up by the birds flapping and chirping in the branches above me, the sun rays just touching the top of the trees. I rest my head against the bark and immediately a memory pops up. We were in a car crash; a big truck drove in to the side of the car ramming us into a brook almost flipping the car on its roof. Almost immediately the driver opens fire. _"Maura get out! Move!"_ Jane is pushing my out of the broken windshield. _"Stay low"_ the bullets are raining around us and I see the tree trunks splinter in front of us as the bullets hit them. Suddenly it stops, I here Jane behind me her breathing is heavy and labored _"his reloading, run"_ we made it to the tree line and Jane pushes me against a tree with her body. Her gun focused in the direction of our attacker. I can hear him running towards us. He hasn't spotted us yet. Time slows down and panic claws at my throat as I feel warm liquid ooze through my shirt and skirt. Jane is pressed up against my body breathing against my neck. I can feel her heart beating against mine. I gently touch her side just above the hip bone; she shudders at my touch but keeps her gun steady waiting for a clean shot. The realization that the blood is Jane's pushes me back into the present.

I manage to pick up my trail after finding the hole in the ground. It is evident that I ran my lungs out as I pass broken branches and footprints on the forest bed. I smell blood, Jane collapsed here. A pool of blood is being soaked up by the ground and I can make out drag marks. A few feet further I find the tree we hid behind and I can see a body just beyond that

I rest against the tree trying to remember. Bang! Bang! Bang! She fired three shots. My ears are ringing but my hand is glued to her side putting pressure on the wound. She collapses against me putting her right hand against the tree next to my head and her left dropping to her side. My arm snake around her waist as I take her weight and we slide down the trunk. "the bullet just crazed my side." "No Jane it passed through your side." I pray the gun out of her hand. We sit like that for a few minutes catching our breath. I examine her wound but it looks like it only tore the tissue taking some muscle with it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

My burning eyes bring me back to the reality and I taste salt on my cracked lips. I try to blink away the tears only to start sopping uncontrollably. The salt stings my sunburned cheeks. I don't know what to do. There is a tempest in my mind, tentacles crushing my scull. My mind is foggy. I am dehydrated concussed and heartbroken.

Do I make my way to the car or do I follow Jane's blood trail? What the fuck! Please Maura keep it together! All that I have left of Jane is the memory of me sitting in her blood. I can't tell how much blood she has lost. A red hue lingers on the forest bed, in the shade of the tree and on my clothes. And then there is her Grimm trail of breadcrumbs. I get up straighten my clothes and start following her blood trail.

Logic kicks in and I realize that I am charging bare foot in to the unknown. I double back to the car. I kneel next to the attacker's body and start scavenging through his pockets. I take of his denim shirt and pull it over my bare shoulders thankful for the warmth it provides. He has a lighter in his left pocket and a Swiss army knife in his right.

I stop at the tree line and spot the car lying on its side. It feels all so surreal, I don't know what to make of this scene, and it looks undisturbed. I scan my surroundings stretching my consciousness trying to pickup on any hints of danger. This is obviously not a public road. I can't spot any buildings or even prove of civilization. My eyes focus on the tracks left by the truck but I can't see any other traces of vehicles that passed by. That must mean that the guy Jane shot didn't drive the truck and might have been a passenger that jumped out and started shooting at us. Where is the truck? Where is the driver? My mind is sketching scenario after scenario and I'm being flooded by what if's and what might have's. I can't rush to any conclusions I have no evidence for any of these theories. I take a deep breath a quite the monkey brain.

I make my way down to the car; carefully sliding my body threw the broken window. My heart sits in my throat and I can't swallow the fear trying to suffocate me. I spot my field boots and a bottle of water. My fear of being detected rushes my judgment and inventorying of the content of the car. What will I need to find Jane? My hand brushes against a canvas bag of some sort. I made Jane drive with a basic first aid kit. Please that this be it.

As soon as I'm free from the wreck I pull on my boots and thank Jane for indulging in my paranoia. I make my way back up to the trees. As I pass our attacker I take of his belt and use it as a shoulder strap looping it through the handle of the first aid kit. I secure the pocket knife in my boot and the lighter fits in to the breast pocket of the denim shirt.

My mind and body separates and I feel my legs carrying me back to the tree were it all began I sit on the ground and pull my knees up. I start rocking forward and backward as my mind slips into a different world.


	4. Chapter 4

I hear somebody running, pausing next to the body, crouching and picking up the gun still clutched in our attackers hand. Jane's already pointing her gun at him but he hasn't spotted us yet. She's still on her knees struggling to get to her feet, using my shoulder to push her self up she grabs a fistful of my shirt and we both stop breathing waiting for the unavoidable. They lock eyes and without any hesitation she pulls the trigger. _Click. _"Shit!" she pulls me up shoving me behind her all in one smooth motion.

I can't move possessed by his stare I clutch to Jane's shirt. She's shielding me with her body and I'm too scared to move. His gun is pointed at Jane. Click. He throws down his gun and charge at Jane.

"Run Maura!"

I'm still stuck to the ground. I feel her hand pushing me away.

"Run Maura!"

I Left her, I left her with that man. I'm such a coward. What was I thinking? How could I leave my best friend behind? My heart breaks as all the locked up emotions rush over me and again tears stream down my face. The depressing monologue is tightening its noose around my neck. I'm a coward. How am I supposed to save Jane? My mind is slipping. I need to focus on Jane. Jane needs me. I need Jane to keep me grounded to keep me focused. She keeps the voices at bay. They are always asking why demanding answers wanting to know all the secrets to the universe. They crawl up my back perching on my shoulders whispering into my ear. They're pulling at my clothes _come Maura we need to go_. Training kicks in and I'm on her trail moving automatically examining each drop of blood and the way the ground shifted under his weight.

_Canis Lupus sense of smell is estimated to be 100 times stronger than the human olfactory nerves_. _We need to hunt down the wolf that stole your heart._

At least the sun has shown me mercy casting its last ray on a cabin tucked away between trees. I can see a shadow pacing in front of the window. A slow climbing wisp of smoke snakes out of the chimney. I crouch under a bush making sure my form melts into its shadow. Jane must be in there. I'll wait for the clouds to cover the moon before I make my way to the porch. The man is still pacing in front of the window and I can't see anybody else behind him. He looks to be of average size but if he carried Jane all the way to the cabin he must have exceptional upper body strength. He is taller than me. I only have a standard Swiss army blade to defend myself with. I fee around under the bush and find dried leaves and twigs. I make a nest and crawl towards the cabin while cradling it in my hands. I light the kindling and place it in front of the door waiting for the smoke to creep into the cabin.

As I stood next to the door I only then realized what my mind already decided I'm going to kill this man but how did I come to this decision and why wasn't I fazed about this revelation. Again my body stays put as my mind exit reality

The ancient shamans, priests and priestesses, philosophers and profits have been teaching since the beginning of time the presence of good and evil in the human heart and the constant battle to claim our soul. Even though they fell victim to their own religion there is still truth behind these legends and myths. There is much evil brewing in the depth of our psyche.

I looked down at the knife in my hand it didn't even feel like it was connected to my body. My knuckles were snow white and the vanes on the back of my hand were frantically trying to tear through my skin, my heart was pumping adrenalin through me as I clutched to my life line. Will I be able to summon up the courage to kill a human being? To become a murderer? I had no emotions left in my heart only the resolution to sacrifice my sanity for Jane's life.

I turned from the prey into the predator and I felt the power surge through my whole being fear replaced with lust. I have taken on a new identity when I chose to feed the demon that lingers in the dark parts of my heart. _Control is an illusion you hold on to tight Maura, you're falling down the rabbit hole._

I can hear him clear his throat the floor boards' crack as his footsteps get nearer. He opens up the door and steps out confused he focuses a second to long on the smoldering leaves in front of him. I step behind him and put my entire weight behind the knife as I drive it into his kidney.

He inhaled for the last time and collapsed on to his knees pulling me down with him. I twisted the blade and his body jerked violently. His muscles contract around the knife and with as much force as I stabbed I pull out the knife blood coating both my hands.

I have his blood on my hands but no remorse. _What do you believe in Maura? To what god did you make this blood sacrifice?_

Life is fleeting and humans so fragile. There is order in nature and life thrives on it. Each living organism linked to another with us on top. We are still animals still vicious and blood thirsty. I smelled blood and took a live will it be my undoing. My conscience is as silent as the man lying at my feet.

I can't stop staring at my hands thinking how warm his blood feels and that it's slowly loosing its life force. I have suppressed the dark only feeding the light. But now that he has killed will I be able to force him back to sleep?_ In the end the good Doctor Jekyll lost to Mr. Hyde._

I loose track of time while arguing with myself. As I try to push bad thought and memories into my unconscious. _You cannot be Philosophizing about the evolution of human behavior while Jane needs medical attention_. My mind drifted to the ceiling and I peered down watching my body crouching next to Jane's


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter5

The cabin was one big room with no bathroom or kitchen unit just a shell to hide in from the elements of nature. Furniture was scattered around it looks like it had been deserted.

Jane was draped over an old torn up sofa. Her shirt was full of blood and the sofa was also stained. The fire was the only source of light.

I got out the bottle of water I had 500ml to clean my hands clean the wound and to give to Jane to drink. I took off the denim shirt turned it inside out and used it to clean my hands as best as possible. I wet the corner of the fabric and wiped of all the blood around my wrists. I put on the Latex gloves and was grateful that at least I was clean enough to operate.

I wet a bandage and started cleaning her wounds taking care to remove all dirt in the wounds. I used all the antiseptics ointment and decided not to stitch her up for fear of the possibility of infection in the wound. She had I light fever but her breathing wasn't too labored. I settled on binding her abdomen tight making sure that there is enough pressure on the wound at the back en front. Jane winched when I applied pressure and only then she acknowledged my presence. She is unresponsive she needs to get proper medical treatment. I dissolve aspirin into the last drops of water.

"Jane please take a sip of water, that's it slowly take it easy. This might sting a bit but I want to push the sofa closer to the fire so you can warm up. You just rest while I try to find something to call for back up"

And you stare deep into my eyes

"Jane….?"

Shall a kiss wake you? We are left in our own universe me and you drifting in and out with the tide. Your eyes are alight with the wonders of the Cosmos. And I forget to breath. A revelation settles in my heart…I love you with all that I am. The writing is on the wall and I can no longer ignore it.

My thoughts reenter the atmosphere my heart burns with the intensity of a thousand super suns.

"I hope your kidnapper has a phone"

I have turned into a vulture, every time I pick at a corpse I find the answer I'm looking for.

"Jane he has a satellite phone on him"

I recognize my voice relating all the information I know like a trained puppet. I collapse against the couch taking Jane's hand.

"Jane, they are coming. Please hold on! I am sorry that we fought about something as trivial as Patrick Doyle. Sitting here holding your hand has brought many things into perspective for me"

She doesn't open her eyes but her fingers tighten around mine. Tears are flowing freely and I wipe them away with our conjoined hands refusing to break contact. I am so tired I just want to go to sleep my head is pounding. I need to stay awake and talk to Jane maybe neither of us will wake up from this nightmare. If someone has to die I wish it to be me. "I will not be able to take a breath without you, I will crumble into dust." How can I think of death when I realized that I can love?

"I want to tell you my story and share my inner parts with you. I woke up one day and the weight of the world was on my shoulders, rejection became a sentient entity stalking me he invited depression into my life. They have been accompanying me since I was able to think, when I started questioning my existence. When depression engulfed me I could feel death breathing down my neck promising salvation from this torment. "

_You are unwanted Maura, your soul is neither conceived by nature nor nurture; It is left to wonder alone. _

"Their lullabies where filled with lies. They planted doubt in my heart it took root and sprouted like thorns and thistles. My heart fell into itself and became a black hole pulling at my soul. I fed my brain keeping it occupied to survive their onslaught. I lived in a monochromatic world but you poured love in to my soul and as it broke through my heart my existence became brighter. You are the home I dreamed about for many years. When darkness rolls over me like a thunderstorm you are my guiding light"

Her hold is starting to loosen and I cup her face with my free hand.

"Jane I need you to focus on my voice you need to hold on."

She smiles into my hand and that is enough for me to carry on.

"Meeting my biological father opened old wounds and I left them to fester. After the shooting I was filled with fear, I didn't know why and I channeled my confusion into hate for you. My demons came knocking on my door and I accepted them with open arms. I have made peace with their presence along time ago. I have always held the reapers hand. I saw when he downed his halo of mercy taking away someone's pain. I have seen his ominous grin when he collects a young soul. I was intrigued by death, infatuated by his power. I did not mind Deaths Company that's why I still hide in my morgue. I am afraid of the living. Life and death are twin flames the one cant exists without the other. Life steers us into deaths embrace. It is written in the law's of nature it is what binds us together in the end. Even though I understand the science behind the flow of nature, the need for a beginning and an end, I still fear life but it is the unpredictability of a certain force that makes my innards shudder…Love."

Her skin glows under the reflection cast by the fire. The perspiration formed a glistening veil lending a saint like appearance to her still form.

"Jane…?"

I get lost in the contours of her face, dark shadows masking her eyes salt rivers flowing freely over her cheeks. Afraid of the silence I open my mouth and let my heart confess.

"Once upon a time I loved, but reality dragged me to the service and I lost love. I was left empty drifting alone in a vast ocean of beings. Now I have found you the one that warms my heart that soothes my tormented mind. I love you Jane...with all of what i am."

Lights and sounds start drifting through the open door. Still or again I'm clutching onto the knife loosing feeling in my hand. I can't get up from the floor my body sunk into the wood. Frost kneels in front of me holding his hand open asking for the knife. It hurts to let go of the knife even though I know I am safe. He wraps his arms around me picking me up and hugging me tight to his body.

His heartbeat is strong and steady I close my eyes and focus on that as strangers rush around us. He carries me to the ambulance. Jane is already inside being treated. I'm guided into a seat next to Jane and I take hold of her hand. This is all too surreal did we make it? Her skin has turned pale, all life retreating from the surface. The melody of the blaring sirens comforts me my eyes are heavy my body is filled with lead and I start to drift off. The screaming heart monitor fills my mouth with bile and I choke on it sending me into a coughing fit I press my hands over my mouth forcing it to stay shut. They hand me a bag. There is nothing in my body to through up I haven't had anything to drink or eat since the accident. My body aches all over each muscle straining against the convulsion. I struggle to breath my lungs are burning as I inhale the acid still clinging to the sides of my throat. They hand me a bottle of water and I eagerly down it in one gulp. I can't stop staring at Jane willing her eyes to open her heart to stay strong and to stay with me. I can't loose love again.

Love is too unpredictable it can be my savior and also the darkest sin of all but it always demands sacrifice. Our minds are still too primitive to comprehend its power. Our poor attempt to understand the four letter word is blasphemy. What else do I need to sacrifice to keep her out of deaths clutches?

_What do you have to give?_ I have never seen him this clearly before, sitting across me with Jane fighting for her life between us. His holding her hand digging his bony fingers into her flesh.

"Stop!"

They both freeze mid action slowly turning their heads to me still focusing on the monitors trying to make out why they need to stop. I just shake my head enveloping it with my hands.

_You're falling apart. Dissociating from reality was your coping mechanism but you dove into deep Maura. Your mind is finally ours and your heart is soon to follow._

I open my eyes trying to focus on what's real. The hollow eyes of depression met mine, a malicious smirk spreading over his face. He stretches over Jane's body his cold hand cupping my face as anxiety starts pulling at my soul.

_You have nothing to give._

"I love her!"

One of them pushes me into my seat flashing a light in my eyes.

"Dr Isles… Dr Isles?"

What are they mumbling about? Don't they know that Jane needs their undivided attention? Momentarily blinded my mind still conjures up the demons in front of me.

_Mortals dissolve into nothingness but we have accompanied the living for millenniums. Love us Maura. _

"She is my savior!"

I look down at my arm trying to find the source of the sharp pain. Blackness closes over me as the needle comes into focus.

Authors Note:

Thank you for following my story. Please let me now if you would like me to write part 2. Your input and reviews are much appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note

Thank you for all your support, followers, favorites and reviews it definitely inspires. Part 2 introduces more familiar characters. I also think my writing style changed a bit to accompany the new characters. I will appreciate your input it is always much appreciated. Please enjoy.

Part 2

Chapter 6

Consciousness brings a flood of pain and discomfort. My body aches all over and I feel stitches pulling. I sigh internally my abdomen scared with another bullet. I don't want to open my eyes still to tired to face the living.

A familiar tightness start pressing down on my chest a heaviness that pulls at my lungs and I struggle to breath. I can feel a panic attack rumbling deep inside of me I try to open my eyes feeling sluggish and my body unresponsive. I will my mind to the service. My hands are restrained. My eyes shoot open white light burns my dilated pupils.

"Jane! Jane!"

Please let this not be the beginning of another nightmare?

Her screams knot my stomach and I sit up forgetting my injuries, already I feel my blood oozing out of my wound

"Maura!"

I start pulling at my restrains I can hear her nearby. The anxiety suffocates me and I loose control as my body plummets into a panic attack. I shut my eyes trying to even out my breathing. The restrains only fueling the panic. They rush into my room holding down my arms pushing my shoulders into the bed. A breathing musk is pulled over my face and I feel the oxygen pumping into my lungs. A needle is making its way to my arm.

"No, please, no!"

Personal run past my bed I swallow the pain and through back the sheet. I am startled by a hand coming to rest on my shoulder and only then I acknowledge the presence of Frost.

"What's going on?

"We're struggling to get Maura back to the present"

"What do you mean?"

"Jane, every time she wakes up she starts screaming your name. We are unable to break through her psychotic state she doesn't acknowledge the existence of anyone else. At first we tried to reason with her but she kept fighting to get out of her bed she has a concussion and the Doctor believes that her erratic behavior is a result there of."

What happened to us Frost?"

"What we can discern from the evidence is that Sensei Matta wanted to silence you or at least delay the investigation to provide them with enough time to escape and with Maura sedated we are unable to string together the events leading up to the call we received from her"

"What happened after the call?"

"It's not only what happened after the call but the call itself that was disturbing it was the start of the unnerving revelation of Maura's slip from reality"

_Frost we are lost, have you forgotten us? It's dark and cold my soul is freezing over. Please hurry Jane was shot and my mind's breaking. A blood sacrifice was made. I fell from grace, sin clipped my wings. I have become death's accomplice. Do you think I can be saved? Will she wake up and bring me back? _

"When I got out of my car it was too silent. I walked up to the cabin and found a dead guy on the porch, blood everywhere dripping of the steps. A faint light spilled through the door. I walked in and found Maura sitting next to you clutching a knife. I called her name but she didn't react. She was covered in blood. I knelt before her and took the knife. I had to carry her to the ambulance. I've heard from the Medics Maura had bursts of emotions making no sense"

"Wait? What? Did Maura kill the guy?"

"She killed with the precision of a trained assassin"

"I need to get to her if it is true what you're saying my presence will calm her."

After what felt like hours Frost helps me into a wheelchair. My heart is racing. Between my lapses of consciousness I remember her talking telling me something, I know it was important. If only I can remember. She laid her secrets and fears at my feet. I can't abandon her now. She spoke of love and something her like this fills me with a torrent of emotions with each tear a new emotion is brought to the service. I have never felt this powerless.

"Please take of the restrains from her wrists she is not some kind of nut job you are degrading her intellect, she is already distraught enough."

My physical pain is no match to the turmoil in my heart. When she wakes will she be my Maura? She spoke of demons, will they claim her?

My head is pounding with each heart beat I can feel the pressure building in my brain. My body starts listing symptoms. The remnants of a panic attack lay scattered throughout my body. Scrapes and cuts starting to heal left my skin burning. My throat burns it's probably caused by the bile I threw up in the ambulance and the screams that still echo's in my ears. I have to keep my emotions intact before I can open my eyes. I know now that Jane is fine I heard her call my name. I'm scared to move my arms the restrains will only be a testament to the insanity that took hold of me. I summon up all of the courage left in my broken body. My focus rolls over my shoulders down my arms and settles on my wrists. Relieve let go of the breath stuck in my lungs.

"Maura?"

"Jane?"

I open my eyes resting them on her slightly parted lips a smile starts to form and it tries to reach up to her eyes, it's contagious and I feel the corners of my mouth settling into a tired grin.

"How do you feel?"

"Sane, now that I am certain you'll be fine. You scared me and in turn I scared me. How are you feeling?"

"Lost, I'm left without memories those that do break free from the haze are confusing and bring fear and doubt with them."

I can see the emotions flow through her eyes and they glaze over. Shall I dare to continue? _I love you Jane._ She said it with the conviction of a lover.

"I remember my hand against your cheek and tears being brushed away. I remember your voice breaking. I remember parts of a secret and things you locked up being brought to the light. But a phrase repeats itself, your confession circles my heart scared to settle because it might have been a dream."

Her dark eyes penetrate my heart and breaks down my walls, how can I refuse her an answer?

"Hi Angela"


End file.
